Yaari, Dosti etc.

Since childhood I have been blessed with so many friends from different levels of society. During those days we do not need to remind with ‘Har ek friend zar-rU-rI ho-ta hai’. It was assumed and widely known and accepted thing. Unlike my son and his friends we didn’t have much options of playing. It was a simple choice; indoor or outdoor. And decision was finalized within 2-3 options. Today I watch my son and his friends argue over indoor activities from board games to watching tv or outdoor games, whether cricket, football etc.

God has been kind, as those around me were stronger, taller or sharper than me. So unknowingly I tried to improve myself, first to compete with them; but eventually it took out the best in me.

There were various activities we had done together from meeting in a common place at common time for more than decade to trips and activities which usually young guys do at that age. There used to be arguments, hot discussions even fights and hot words exchanged, but somehow things used to mellow down at the end.

One thought (‘message’ is too heavy word) I would like to share. Whether you accept it or not; but at this age it is very difficult (not impossible, of course) to find new friends. Whether you like it or not, there is very bold line between friends and colleagues. The former remains with us but latter is totally dependent on our and their tenure in the company. Professional friendship has many limitations and it cannot go beyond certain point (with some exceptions). There cannot be heart-to-heart talk. You usually don’t share your private and personal life and secret with them. In fact they don’t know the real ‘you’. They may be in your ‘Friends’ list in Facebook, but dimension is always superficial.

So it becomes very important to stick to your old buddies who has not only seen your various moods and colors but many times tolerated it as well. Now we may be focused in our family, the priorities might have changed there might be some added work pressure and tension. As they say: there might have lot of water passed by. In this scenario we might have missed to keep track of each other, even might have missed to call/meet each other when we should have been. Let's try not to repeat it and also to bridge the gap. Though I think it has happened unintentionally and the friendship that has tested through time should not be diluted. At our age we should be more mature and should not allow misunderstanding to stand on its feet. Why there should be a misunderstanding when we perfectly know that deep down in our hearts we always wish wellbeing of each other. Lets Forgive and Forget. Because as my master says: 'To err is human and to forgive is also a human' (to reach the divine this is one way).

I would like to conclude with a song, which I would like to share:

दिये जलते है फुल खिलते है

बडी मुश्कील से मगर दुनिया में दोस्त मिलते है !

-Shashank

Living Ideal Life in Practical (material) World

Every day we are reading or hearing the news about the top ministers and top bureaucrats even top businessman charged with corruption, fraud, mis-managing or manipulating their position.

A thought came to my mind is it possible in today’s world to have a clean record in spite of being in some top position. I have to admit that my knowledge is very limited in this field and all I can rely is my creativity and imagination (that too is not very extensive). As we move up in our career or life there arises situations where we have to make some compromises. Also it depends on priorities in our life. It may or may not have some influence in our up-bringing and family background; usually called as values.

I am trying to put myself in their shoes. Whether I would have acted in similar way or shown some maturity dealing with the temptation. It is like saying; I have been faithful to wife, as I did not have any chance (or opportunity) to do adultery. The temptation has to be great; otherwise not so many people will fall for it. Even after knowing perfectly that, everything is at stake.

Here I am trying to figure out, why some people commits mistakes after mistakes that later it becomes their sins. How much hunger they have for money, power and prestige? Or blame it on the system? Are they not afraid of getting caught? May be everyone is in same dirt; difference being some are in knee deep where as others are in neck deep. Then who is bothered to care for stains on others cloths as everyone is more concerned of to cover their own.

It is also interesting to study the mentality of their near and dear ones. Whether they have some respect for such person or they too are engrossed in their own booby world and conveniently ignoring the source of the luxury they are enjoying. It’s hard to believe the tainted person shares a bond and attachment with the family; and vice a versa. It might be easy come easy gone. I mean; for them relationship might also be like easy money they get. So far the funding goes, everyone is at peace, but the moment something goes wrong, all hell break loose.

To conclude, how far is it going to take us and when is it going to stop? With records of corruption and fraud breaking every month there seems no end in near future.

- Shashank

Down South

Down South:

After living in Bangalore for more than 8 years. Below are things which I observed and experienced. There is no right or wrong here, if you don’t agree; let’s agree to disagree.

1. Rates of Tea and coffee are same. And no one complains. Might be due to very little dominance of tea drinking community

2. Pronunciation of ‘H’ (eich) is ‘Hech’; including english teachers; due to mother tongue influence (I guess)

3. After looking at regional politician’s posters you may think that it came straight from Police Wanted list. But, frankly everywhere the situation is same in our county

4. Auto drivers are as rude as anywhere in the county. Irrespective whether they are communicating with locals or non-locals, absolutely no discrimination from their side

5. You will find posters of auto drivers next to rickshaw stand along with local MLA and auto drivers watching their snap with pride.

6. Traffic in this metro is as chaotic as any other metro city. But before you make think traffic in your city is bad and undisciplined, please make your judgment after experiencing Bangalore traffic. It is said that a common excuse to coming late is heavy traffic and it goes very well. I have seen vehicle coming from wrong direction in fly-over. Lane cutting is hobby over here. Driving the vehicle from wrong direction gives instant orgasm to drivers.

7. House owners are a totally different community over here. With slight provocation an angry man gets into fight, similarly they need any small reason to increase the rent. Some actual examples being; approach road to their house is being tar-ed or re-tar-ed, new mall comes near to their house etc.

8. Everything above AP is north. So if you are from Maharashtra or Delhi or W.Bengal, all are referred as north Indians.

9. To write about film industry you can write a big book. I will limit myself to some:

Actors here have some flimsy name in front of their name; like Golden Star, Stylist Star and Challenging star. It is said that these names have been given to them by their fans. People here think that only few (read as one and only Rajnikant) can be called as Superstar, so rest of stars has to take with these crazy names. As if, if you don’t have anything before Star, you are not considered as star. Funny no!

Talking about stars you have to be careful not to hurt anyone’s emotional sentiments. As the topic is very sensitive and often results in verbal fights.

It is strange to see educated and foreign return techies still loves and adores their favorite actors and follow their stupid style. Answer may be lies in Conditioning. 

Actors (except few like Kamal Haasan) here are more concerned about their hair style, costume and dance steps rather than going into skin of the character.

If you cannot dance, sorry you don’t have place in this industry. If you can’t act, well…….

Most of the heroines here are from north and they enjoy their stint here.

If you wonder how Rajnikant’s and other famous star’s movie becomes a blockbuster and runs for several weeks. The reason is people watch the movies more than once. In fact one time watching a movie is not considered as true watching. So fans watch it more than 4-5 times (I am modest here).

It is believed that during screening of Rajni’s movie, fans pause the film in cinema when his name in the titles come and even performs aarti.

Getting the movie ticket (of Rajni’s movie) in initial days of release is talk of the town and moment to cherish and celebrate.

-Shashank

Lokpal - Need of the Hour

There has been lot of debate going on Lokpal bill and who will come under its purview. Media and Press doing their important contribution to keep the issue burning. There have been different views and versions of the bill expressed. In this scenario I thought of adding my 2 cents to it.
First and foremost important part of discussion would be whether to include Prime Minister under the bill. As per my understanding, no one should be spared from this bill. Including PM, it will send a strong message to the higher and powerful ones and citizen at large, that there is no discrimination framing this bill. Everyone is at par.
There is also general feeling that in coalition govt. or in war like situation when PM is under scrutiny it will create not only embarrassing but a complex situation to deal with. There might be total chaos in decision making process. But I think that this will be a very rare situation and Indian democracy is capable of handling it.

That brings to the second argument; no one can dictate terms to the ruling and elected govt. There is parliament meant for this and law can be framed and sanctioned only there. Some even say that members of parliament are the elected members from the general public where as Team Anna has no such base.
To counter this we need to understand that India is democratic country one of the definition is; “Democracy is the government of the people, by the people, for the people”. So important should be given to concerns of people. We have seen high profile people misusing power and accumulating wealth, there has to be a counter mechanism not only to control it but to punish the guilty and recover the losses caused to nation. When MP’s can come together to raise their remuneration at regular interval, so can they come together to pass the law and make the Lokpal effective and active as well.
Another argument is; even after Lokpal corruption will not stop totally. For me it is like saying, even after effective provisions in law, people still commit murder, robbery, fraud etc. The point here is making everyone accountable for decisions taken by them and making them act responsibly in the interest of the Nation. The strong message should be conveyed that Big Daddy is watching and they cannot escape easily.

What’s next? On positive note lastly I would like to add that, I have no doubt that Lokpal committee will be appointed and after some initial setbacks will work smoothly. This is a time and opportunity given to us to re-write the history. Let’s ignore minor differences in the bill and see the larger picture, it’s time to stand united and be counted otherwise our future generation will have some corrupt and bad role models in front of them.

Being Spiritual

Being Spiritual

Actually the other title I thought was ‘Applying Spirituality in day to day life’. But then I finalize the earlier one. As now a days even if you ram down your SUV into people and killed them, youstill can successfully run the foundation ‘Being Human’ so let it be.

I have been attracted to spirituality for last 5-6 years. Though I perfectly understand that it is a process and I have a long way to go. Please do not think at any stage that I am giving some Gyan sitting at top. These are my personal experiences in my world.

When we are small children we look positively at future when we will be young and will get required freedom. Later when we start earning, we get a feeling of more freedom as we have money in our pocket, which can be spent as per our desires. In initial married life we enjoy the golden days and those golden moments. Once we settle down in our career and our kids are engrossed in their own world. Here we have only one thing certain ahead of us, from growing old to growing older. Perhaps finding difference in growing old and growing up. At this stage of life I have been consciously working at applying spirituality in day-to-day life and even some times I do succeed in doing so.

By Spirituality I mean trying to understand the logic of the Existence. As per Osho, ‘(its) Cosmos and not Chaos’. In other words applying Awareness to the things.

Below are few examples:

When your boss asks and expects you to acquire new skills for the benefit of organization, I come up with my excuse: for so many years even god is not trying to explore anything beyond his scope. To prove my point I further say that when our Hindu trinity god; Bramha (Creator), Vishnu (Protector) and Shankar (Destroyer) are not interfering in each other’s business. So allow me to do the best that I can.

While driving when a vehicle passes besides you at a much higher speed or even when vehicles ahead and besides you does crazy lane cutting. I consoles that ‘he must be getting late for his own funeral’ and keep driving at my speed.
Did you ever thought that the speed at which we drive is the best and perfect. So if other vehicle is at high speed than ours, we considers him a rash and risky driver and if the vehicle is running slow then we consider it either learner or extra caution driver.
Driving is the best way to suppress and control your ego, when every one is in the mad rush, you have to work hard not to be carried away by the madness and drive at your own pace.

In this modern age where you will find a mad rush in doing stupid things, in fact people are competing with each other in this. If a person spends X amount on his function whether it’s b’day or marriage, there will be other guys who will spend 2X amount in their ceremony. With peace of mind you can overcome your desire to replicate the act.
Osho in his speech said, ‘We are surrounded by dead’. So be alive and awake.

Initially I too tried to mold my son as per my likings and interest. I still do it many times, but intensity has gone down drastically. My favorite dialogue (borrowed from Osho) is ‘Existence needs variety. And remember, existence accepts only the originals. Carbon copies are not acceptable in existence’. So be unique, be different, and be just as you are.

While having differences of opinion (read: fighting) with our spouse we tend to concentrate the good points in him and the best time we spent together. Rather than getting carried away in our differences. This helps to control the anger (sometimes).

During a religious discussion for the greatest religion on earth or even the best country or state or city etc. I don’t participate with full heart, because deep down I know that here I am being bias taking side of that particular thing. My first reason for taking the side of my religion is I am being born in it, nothing else. Only MY religion is great and short-cut to enlightenment or consciousness is very stupid and baseless statement. Had it come from reading about other religions or views expressed by other scholars, then the statement might stand in argument. But usually just by reading few books about our own religion (I even didn’t try that) we start praising it. It shows our false ego or to say it in better words our superiority complex. Can’t help quoting Osho on this; being Hindu, Buddhist, Christian or Muslim is very ugly, dirty. Being Krishna, Buddha, Christ or Mohammad is very divine. So if possible let’s try to raise our religion rather than fighting for it.

If we can, always give credit to god for the good things happening in our life. Whether it’s about health or wealth, be humble in accepting and enjoying these things. And for things which are not good, blame it on ourselves. This simple activity enables us to control and contain our ego and attitude.
Usually we do exactly opposite; whenever we achieve anything, we go on announcing the world that ‘I’ did it and how hard I worked for it. And when it didn’t happen as per our expectation we blame god is behind it and goes into emotionally sentimental path.

Never in our life we should neglect and ignore ourselves from negative feedback or criticism. A person’s age, knowledge doesn’t matter. We should focus on what he is trying to say. If we think that there is no road for improvement then it’s a dead-end for us. The worst thing in our life and we will be in our own sweet shell.

So please let me know your feedback on this article. I am all ears!

- Shashank

Life in Complex – really complex

I have been staying in one of the complex in Bangalore which consists of more than 2000 flats. After staying and observing things for 2 months, below are the list of my findings:

Where you will see at least one relocation truck (vehicle) in a day.
Where sometimes maids are more attractive than her mal-kin.
Where most of the maids carry flashy Chinese brand mobiles.
Where maid has to pay a bribe to security watchman so that he can recommend them for newly relocated couples.
Where ladies have more than one maid (including a full time maid for their children).
Where ladies rather than doing household work, prefers to burn calories (and husband’s money) in gym.
Where in the evening you will find couples taking a brisk walk in the surrondings.
Where neighbors are least bothered about you and maintain the safe distance.
Where there is an unwritten rule to carry infant in a baba-gadi.
Where there are various departments; like maintenance etc. and these are meant to make your life miserable.
Where no Society residents smiles at each other, but prefers to stare at each other.
Where your status is judge by the car you drive, the clothes you wear.
Where your car is considered as your extended personality.
Where residents are constantly trying to change other members, rules etc. rather than changing their own behavior and attitude.
Where your complex should be registered in site like Commonfloor.com, and residents always complains about the facilities and other things, but rarely acts to improve them.
Where everyone is aware of their own right, but they are conveniently ignorant about their responsibilities.

Continued…..

How to counter our parents encounter

After more than 12 years of married, oh sorry successful married life. I still faced a dilemma of answering or countering some of the basic difficult questions. One major amongst them is how to defend our spouses allegation against our parents. Here i am talking about usual bahu v/s in-laws famous interactions (read as nok-zok). I always wonder when parents wed their near and dear ones with lot of enthusiasm and money, others call it 'big fat Indian wedding'. How the matter worsens after couple of years. What happens to happy and smiling faces of wedding day? Where that smile goes? More over we hardly see any saas-bahu relationship going against the usual flow. After searching the web I did not get any convincing answers. So I have come with my own possible approaches in these tricky situations.

First let me be clear not all answers has been tried by me. So I am not sure of practical use of them. Having said that let's start dealing with such situations. As in every case there is no good or bad answer, all depends on situation and how you both handle it. There are various approaches in this scenario. Let's deal with one by one:

First and traditional approach is to be in attacking mode. Like, 'no other husband will listen such non-sense, since I am very kind and reasonable (don’t loose opportunity to blow your trumpet) you can express your feelings'. Another way is to compare apples with apples. Example: you should see so-and-so's in-laws, after marriage her life is hell and all their decisions are dominated by in-laws. So you are in much better condition, at least be happy for it. One more thing you can do is, even my in-laws are no god, and start complaining about them, if possible with real examples. Like on that day, when we visited your house etc.etc.
Also you can mention the pressures you have from your job, career opportunities ahead of you, tensions in office (these are the points used to get sympathy). If you can, don’t forget to mention the expectations your parents have from their bahu and how tough is to defend you in some situations. Here again mention some examples, like his/her in abilities to cook, taking responsibilities etc.
Let me warn you above approach will not lead you anywhere; in fact it will worsen the matter. So better stay away from it!

Second and still used by many is to be on defensive as well as on offensive, switching the modes. Let me give you some example. You can mention no one is perfect in this world. Everyone has their own grey areas. We have to cope with it in life. Or, you cannot expect them to change at this age; we have to do Adjustment, life is all about adjustments etc. etc. They have taken pain for growing me up (and now rest of the pain is been taken by spouse), i am their only son/daughter.

Third and last, a more matured approach would be to get amused and confuse your spouse. Here you have to pretend that you are looking at this problem with larger vision than your spouse. Make statements like, i wonder how these problems exists in each and every home? No wonder today's TV serials are cashing it on. Does any one on this earth have ever found solution to these on-going issues? Has anyone done any research on this? This way you can run away from real issue and confuse the partner so that he/she will loose interest in it.

With my limited knowledge i have tried to cover all the points. Though this article does not cover differences due to love marriage, going little deeper, marriage in different caste, religion. Different financial status of 2 families. Due to lack of experience I am unable to help you countering such differences. You can try with techniques given above.

In all these fights, does anyone care for the poor person who cannot take anyone’s side. Interestingly the spose always thinks that his/her is not taking their side and parents things the same way. This is the only point where both the parties unanimously agrees. Where as he/she is sandwiched between 2 parties. Now a day, I left eating sandwiched, as it reminds me of my poor stand and my inability to deal with such situations. One thing is sure no one cares about the person who stuck in between, like punching bag. How does it feel to him/her when his/her mother/father's mention in not so decent behavior? Or sometimes seeing the actual behavior? It is very hard for him to believe to see the same person he has loved and cared for whole life in darker shade. And no one cares the pain in our heart.
No wonder more and more married couples are following meditation and spirituality these days.
Any takers?