Nothing could be better than writing my own experience. After completing forty years (couple of years back), I was wondering why this so-called midlife crises has started to affect me! So I did some research on the subject. I was surprised to find that in our traditional Indian culture this phenomena is unheard of, it was imported along with other good and bad things as we fall prey to western culture. So obviously our own literature never talked or even mentioned about it. But now after so many years it has gelled down in our society and no longer foreign to us.
There could be various reasons for going through midlife crises. It could be divided between Physical, Mental and Emotional. This troubles those who have crossed forty; it might be possible that due to fast pace life this could come early. It is a strange feeling after completing half of your life to realize that the journey is more than half over. Also the best of the time are either complete or about to complete. Our wonderful childhood (if you can call it) and aggressive youth have fallen behind. We have enjoyed our best of health and had excellent time with our friends, relatives and colleagues. Be it attending various family functions or wild parties with our buddies. But now slowly and steadily our body has started giving signals, as it is said ‘age is catching up’. We think twice before going for wild party or adventure which in younger days we used to do quite frequently.
On Mental front our marriage has been cemented and weathered during some tough times. Our kids have started not to listen to us (as we did to our parents), no excitement in married life. Moreover from career perspective we wanted to settle down but work environment is not allowing us to do. Even we are not able to zero down our prospective job in the industry where we can plan to retire. In addition we do not want to come out of our comfort zone where we spent and adjusted with company policy and culture. It could also be self-realization that we have not achieved what we originally plan. Our old buddies might have succeeded more in their professional life, even some of less talented lot amongst them also made their mark and we still are struggling. It is a peer pressure as well as low self-esteem. Same comparison unknowingly happens related to our spouse and kid. We try to make effort to know what our goals are or realign our goals to make them more practical. For some it might be when they still have ‘more life in middle’ but still some spice is missing. We could be having money, power, prestige but we still know something is still missing. So if everything is going on smoothly or we had enough of problems and worries, in both scenarios we show withdrawal symptoms. In some cases to prove some point or show the world that I am still alive and kicking; people have gone for tattoos or join classes for learning new skills worse of all is to try their luck in having affair with much younger partner.
In other words, people may reassess their achievements in terms of their dreams. The result may be a desire to make significant changes in core aspects of day-to-day life or situation, such as in career, work-life balance, marriage, romantic relationships, large expenditures, or physical appearance.
On emotional level we started to feel impact of above two: Physical and Mental.
So overall things are not in our favor. It is like we have started our voyage and in the middle of the journey when we realize that we cannot turn the wheel (go back) and path in front of us is not smooth. In this dilemma we know we have to move further. The question arises again and again why we are bitten by this bug. Had it happen if we were a joint family? Or is it similar hyped western concept as ‘seven year itch’? Probably a separate topic for blog!
Whatever it might be, we try to take every precaution that this transition is less jerky. Like in every major obstacle in our life this too goes from 5 stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. By this age if we should know where to find right help; I mean if you are still taking life lessons from Bollywood celebrity and taking dressing lessons from say Sri Sri or Sadguru then you are in trouble. Apart from that there are few time tested measures to overcome most of the hurdles in our life. They are:
- Have me time, cultivate and nurture a hobby
- Try to find inner peace
- If you are asocial person, get socially active and participate in such activities
- Discover new meaning of life and enjoy small things as well
- Have good supportive and sharing friends
- Lastly, be innovative and try to find what suits you best to get over it
Coming back to my journey I am still struggling to find my own measures which could possibly sail me over this phase. Before I conclude few of the motivational quotes which are worth sharing:
“Laugh so hard that even sorrow smiles at you. Fight so strong that even fate accepts defeat. Love so true that even hatred walks out of the way. Live so well that even death loves to see you exist.”
- Shashank
