Life in Complex – really complex

I have been staying in one of the complex in Bangalore which consists of more than 2000 flats. After staying and observing things for 2 months, below are the list of my findings:

Where you will see at least one relocation truck (vehicle) in a day.
Where sometimes maids are more attractive than her mal-kin.
Where most of the maids carry flashy Chinese brand mobiles.
Where maid has to pay a bribe to security watchman so that he can recommend them for newly relocated couples.
Where ladies have more than one maid (including a full time maid for their children).
Where ladies rather than doing household work, prefers to burn calories (and husband’s money) in gym.
Where in the evening you will find couples taking a brisk walk in the surrondings.
Where neighbors are least bothered about you and maintain the safe distance.
Where there is an unwritten rule to carry infant in a baba-gadi.
Where there are various departments; like maintenance etc. and these are meant to make your life miserable.
Where no Society residents smiles at each other, but prefers to stare at each other.
Where your status is judge by the car you drive, the clothes you wear.
Where your car is considered as your extended personality.
Where residents are constantly trying to change other members, rules etc. rather than changing their own behavior and attitude.
Where your complex should be registered in site like Commonfloor.com, and residents always complains about the facilities and other things, but rarely acts to improve them.
Where everyone is aware of their own right, but they are conveniently ignorant about their responsibilities.

Continued…..

How to counter our parents encounter

After more than 12 years of married, oh sorry successful married life. I still faced a dilemma of answering or countering some of the basic difficult questions. One major amongst them is how to defend our spouses allegation against our parents. Here i am talking about usual bahu v/s in-laws famous interactions (read as nok-zok). I always wonder when parents wed their near and dear ones with lot of enthusiasm and money, others call it 'big fat Indian wedding'. How the matter worsens after couple of years. What happens to happy and smiling faces of wedding day? Where that smile goes? More over we hardly see any saas-bahu relationship going against the usual flow. After searching the web I did not get any convincing answers. So I have come with my own possible approaches in these tricky situations.

First let me be clear not all answers has been tried by me. So I am not sure of practical use of them. Having said that let's start dealing with such situations. As in every case there is no good or bad answer, all depends on situation and how you both handle it. There are various approaches in this scenario. Let's deal with one by one:

First and traditional approach is to be in attacking mode. Like, 'no other husband will listen such non-sense, since I am very kind and reasonable (don’t loose opportunity to blow your trumpet) you can express your feelings'. Another way is to compare apples with apples. Example: you should see so-and-so's in-laws, after marriage her life is hell and all their decisions are dominated by in-laws. So you are in much better condition, at least be happy for it. One more thing you can do is, even my in-laws are no god, and start complaining about them, if possible with real examples. Like on that day, when we visited your house etc.etc.
Also you can mention the pressures you have from your job, career opportunities ahead of you, tensions in office (these are the points used to get sympathy). If you can, don’t forget to mention the expectations your parents have from their bahu and how tough is to defend you in some situations. Here again mention some examples, like his/her in abilities to cook, taking responsibilities etc.
Let me warn you above approach will not lead you anywhere; in fact it will worsen the matter. So better stay away from it!

Second and still used by many is to be on defensive as well as on offensive, switching the modes. Let me give you some example. You can mention no one is perfect in this world. Everyone has their own grey areas. We have to cope with it in life. Or, you cannot expect them to change at this age; we have to do Adjustment, life is all about adjustments etc. etc. They have taken pain for growing me up (and now rest of the pain is been taken by spouse), i am their only son/daughter.

Third and last, a more matured approach would be to get amused and confuse your spouse. Here you have to pretend that you are looking at this problem with larger vision than your spouse. Make statements like, i wonder how these problems exists in each and every home? No wonder today's TV serials are cashing it on. Does any one on this earth have ever found solution to these on-going issues? Has anyone done any research on this? This way you can run away from real issue and confuse the partner so that he/she will loose interest in it.

With my limited knowledge i have tried to cover all the points. Though this article does not cover differences due to love marriage, going little deeper, marriage in different caste, religion. Different financial status of 2 families. Due to lack of experience I am unable to help you countering such differences. You can try with techniques given above.

In all these fights, does anyone care for the poor person who cannot take anyone’s side. Interestingly the spose always thinks that his/her is not taking their side and parents things the same way. This is the only point where both the parties unanimously agrees. Where as he/she is sandwiched between 2 parties. Now a day, I left eating sandwiched, as it reminds me of my poor stand and my inability to deal with such situations. One thing is sure no one cares about the person who stuck in between, like punching bag. How does it feel to him/her when his/her mother/father's mention in not so decent behavior? Or sometimes seeing the actual behavior? It is very hard for him to believe to see the same person he has loved and cared for whole life in darker shade. And no one cares the pain in our heart.
No wonder more and more married couples are following meditation and spirituality these days.
Any takers?

Criticism and Denial

Recently I went to collect my 10 year old son’s school books and uniform. As usual there was heavy rush and chaos. Well let me explain the process they were following. It was simple token system, for first come first serve basis and school security was distributing tokens as we enter in the school premises. We were the last to enter and our token number was near 100, while current number which was going was in twenties.

All the parents were given proper sitting arrangements. As we took our seats we found growing dissatisfaction from parents on on-going process. Initially I too participated and contributed to it. Later I realized, school authorities were trying their best to avoid any unnecessary delay and were making sincere efforts for smooth functioning of their process.

This triggered my thought process, and I felt that in today’s world we live in state of constant criticism and denial. Allow me to explain it in detail.

In this times when technology has edge than any thing else. When we not only have access to rich and famous people, through their blogs; we even can make our comments on the opinion expressed by them (whether they really write their own blog and serious in reading viewers comments is another debatable topic). When we can comment on any article published on web. We think we can talk and criticize any person, process or idea.

We are so lost in this unfruitful criticism that we fail to introspect and rediscover ourselves. Come on, we have to agree that no ones life is perfect and there exist no living person (excluding Yogis) who is satisfied and happy with what live has given him and the way life is treating him. Instead of improving on us, we spend time on correcting and commenting others, which is obviously convenient and easy.

So we are in state of criticism towards outer world and denial towards our inner world. I think when we achieve doing exactly opposite we will be on true path of life. Accepting ourselves as we are, with our positive and negative strength and capacity. If we try to improvise or fine tune from this step then we will have some definite thing to achieve and cherish.

In short minding our own business and not interfering with others.

So, concluding on positive note I would like to end my thoughts. First let sincerely access ourselves before making comment on others. Let’s have harmony inside us, so that we might have near to perfect orchestra performing in our heart.

Bangalore BBMP Elections

TOI (Article: To The Point) Dated- March 21, 2010
http://lite.epaper.timesofindia.com/Repository/TOIBG/2010/03/21/5/Img/Pg005.png
Below were the points or rather commandments given by parties to candidates for coming BBMP elections. Odd number is their point and even below is my view on it:

1. Dress up well. Button your shirts properly and be presentable. Avoid flaunting jewellery.
2. Good point, but what about massive wealth they have already accumulated. Do they think voters are fools to ignore that?
3. Be polite while shaking hands or wishing people. Body language is important. Don’t keep talking on mobiles during door-to-door visits. Shed egos and arrogance. No provocative speeches.
4. If they really act what is been told, it will really look a scene from comedy film. As they only mastered the Money language. And talking about shedding egos; Come on! Give those poor folks an attainable goal. Everyone knows what our politicians are capable off: to give provocative speeches. As that’s what matters to them. Playing with our feelings and emotions. It’s a way of emotionally blackmailing voters.
5. Don’t try to bribe educated voters with liquor or cash. It will boomerang.
6. Since most of the Indian educated voters don’t bother to vote. Rather concentrate on uneducated voters and try to woo them and hope for the best.
7. Don’t inconvenience students studying for exams by bursting crackers. Avoid loudspeakers.
8. Yes, don’t use these tactics now. Instead after elections (irrespective of power) use these and many such as Morcha, Dharna, Mass rally on any issue etc on weekdays and test the patience of not only students but all the commuters.
9. Don’t get into fights with supporters of rival candidates, even if provoked.
10. Rather, remember and note such incidents and pay-back (after the elections) when time is in your favor.
11. Listen to problems of citizens and appear to be sincere while promising them that they will be resolved.
12. No need to mention this point, as our politicians have been listening to common mans problems and worries since more than 60 years. Only thing is after winning election they concentrate on resolving their own problems and tend to ignore us.
13. Highlight your achievements and expose rivals’ misdeeds.
14. Point well taken, actually half point. Candidates will be in dilemma as, what achievements they can highlight? They can very well expose rivals misdeeds (over their own misfortune), so better focus on latter part.

Instead, of giving above action points. They should have given a single point agenda: Be responsible for all your actions, period.
I sincerely hope that with handful of options for common voters. He will exercise his rights with due diligence. Amen.